“I used to see her, almost every night in – dreams, visions, whatever you want to call them...” began Kenshi, his voice tender and low. “When I didn't, I'd be reminded of her at some point during the day... And so, our separation, my... desertion – it- it never really affected me. Because in a way, Suchin was withme all along, wasn't she?”
“Yet it's bewildering,” he gave a throaty, cynical laugh, “how easily we become accustomed to such little things... Forgetting that they are favours granted to the likes of us... who don't find much in the way of solace, anywhere...”
He sighed, as a bittersweet pang crept up to his chest, arresting his heart in its hold.
“But after that night, when I found her dead, in Lampang... they – stopped... The dreams, everything...”
Her shrieking voice rang out within the confines of his mind. Kenshi was immediately reminded of her dead face, frozen in her final mask of horror...
“Just when I needed to see her the most. To see if her spirit was at ease, to see if she blamed me for her death. She was gone...”
Kenshi shook his head, eyes clenched shut, trying to shake the image away. He pursed his lips, tried to compose himself before continuing, hoarsely.
“Five years... These past five years, I've clung onto every memory I had of her, and our son – willing myself to move on... but no matter how hard I tried, no matter how much I meditated and calmed my rage – I could not see them in my dreams... And I dared to think I may be forgetting their faces...”
“Perhaps it was my own dark revenge, blocking out the purity of her spirit from my vision. Or Daegon's warped up sorcery ... or even that damned post-traumatic disorder Sonya keeps harping about - Nothing...”
“Until that night in the woods... I heard the demon's call, and I saw her... saw them both, with these very cursed, blind eyes. And what I did to them...” His voice shook as I uttered these few words, and he bit the insides of his cheeks, chin slightly quivering.
“I've done plenty that I regret in my life, Lord Fujin. But I never hated myselfmore than I did at that moment in time. And I perhaps, never will...”